Thoughts on Life

Hi, My Name is AJ

Hi, my name is AJ. It’s nice to meet you. Let me tell you some basic things about me.

I am a 23 year old woman who lives in the beautiful country of South Africa. I am not a missionary kid, I was born here and so were my parents, and so were their parents.

I like the colour purple and I like to eat out of yellow things. I like to read, and to read about reading. I am a crocheter and spend many hours making items in front of the TV. My favourite shows are Friends and Gilmore Girls or true crime documentaries. I don’t like to exercise, but I do like how it makes me feel.

I like cats more than dogs, in general I am not really an animal lover but will always stop to look at donkeys. I don’t like hot or cold weather, I prefer average temperatures.

I love babies. If you have a baby, I want to hold it.. I also love teenagers, I think they are usually misunderstood and I think they are the ones who will bring about the change we need to see in this world.

I am very straightforward, to the point of it being a fault, I say things before thinking them through and so sometimes I offend people. I write what I think and what I feel… except when I am scared that people will judge me.

Hi, my name is AJ. Let me tell you some of the things I normally don’t say.

I often find life extremely overwhelming.

Sometimes I will be fine for a long period of time until out of nowhere I feel like I am going to die and have to remove myself from situations because they make me feel panicked and scared.

Sometimes I don’t want to get out of bed, I usually do but sometimes I go climb back in after an hour.

Sometimes I don’t answer text messages or calls because I feel like if I have to one more thing where I am pretending I am fine, I will begin to fall apart.

Sometimes I feel like a fraud and a failure and like the whole world is completely against me.

Sometimes I cry because I feel like the only one. Often I feel like I am the only one in the Christian community.

Hi, my name is AJ. I struggle with anxiety and depression.

I wish more people would talk about both sides of who they are. I wish that I could stand up in church and remove the mask I so often wear. I wish that people would be honest with their struggles so that I could too.

And then I remember…

If I don’t, who will?

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