Recently I have been feeling afraid to write. I have taken some steps to grow my writing. I joined Brett Harris and Jacquelle Crowe’s Young Writers Workshop for lessons on writing and a community of writers who are in the same boat as me. I have been reading articles on writing. I have even written the drafts for two articles for Reckless Abandon Ministries where I am a part of the writing team and get given a topic to write on each month. But actually sitting down and writing, my own content, on my own blog, from my own original idea… that idea has been scaring me.
It’s not that I have writers block or that I can’t come up with ideas, it’s that I won’t allow myself to come up with ideas because “what if I come up with the wrong one” or “what if someone actually reads what I write and doesn’t like it”. In some ways I think I have been telling myself that I need to be writing perfectly every time I publish, or that if you don’t like my writing it means that you don’t like me. Maybe it’s the commitment; the fact that I have not written consistently in a very long time and now the idea of writing regularly for this blog seems like a commitment I can’t stick to. The bottom line is that I have been afraid.
A few minutes ago I decided that in order to get over my fear there was only one thing I could do, and that was to actually write. So I sat down and looked through some writing and blogging prompts online, I watched a lesson on being afraid to write as a writer (I’m glad I am not the only one), I tried to get my brain to come up with a brilliant idea on the spot and I tried talking to some of my new writer friends. Eventually I sat down and thought about what I want this blog to be about. I want this blog to be a place where I put my thoughts. And right now, all I can think about is how afraid I am to actually write them. As I contemplated the purpose for which I created this blog, I realized that this is an important part of my writing journey, admitting that I am afraid and understanding that not every blog post has to be mind blowing or profound and then simply sitting down and sharing my thoughts with the world.
So I want you to know that I am afraid. I worry about what you are going to think of me as you read this article. I am nervous about making this blog somewhere I post to on a regular basis. But hopefully, I can now begin getting over that fear and actually just start writing. After all–I can’t call myself a writer unless I am actually writing.