Over the last year, a lot in my life has changed. Things that I was planning on suddenly came to an end and I was left in a place at the end of January where I realized that I had to, in a sense, start my life from the beginning again. Now the truth is that I am young and a lot of people would say that I haven’t even begun my life at 22 years old so I should stop panicking. But for me, things were different. As a teenager I did my best to build my life and know where I wanted to go and work hard to get there. So when things stopped, I felt like my world had collapsed.
People who are well meaning have been asking me what my plan is moving forward. What do I want to do now. Do I have a plan? In some ways I have had a plan. I moved into my own place over the weekend and I viewed that as a mental fresh start. I wrote goals for myself for March, much like many people wrote New Years resolutions. I have borrowed some non-fiction books from various people and I have been listening to memoirs to help me try and figure out where I am and where I am going.
I have been confused in a lot of ways because I thought God was calling me to certain things and I believed I was doing my best to follow His leading as I made decisions. As I look back on the different things that have gone wrong and the many decisions I have made, my spiritual mentor has been encouraging me to consider each with the mentality “knowing all I did when I made that decision, did I make that decision wisely and in prayer, listening to the counsel of others and living by faith trying to glorify God with my choices?”. I cannot answer “yes” for every single decision I have made, but to a large extent I believe that I did do that to the best of my ability. So since, to a large extent, I did do my best to follow His leading, why did it end this way? Why did everything stop when everything seemed to be going so well and I felt like I was doing my best to glorify God?
I considering all of this I remembered when I used to think about dating and finding a potential husband. As young as I was I made the decision to remember that each day that I was single I was called to be single that day. And each day that I was in a relationship I was called to be in a relationship.
Jesus tells us that he has given us the grace for today and that worrying about tomorrow is futile as today has enough worries for itself (Matthew 6:25-34). And so I need to remember that tomorrow will come in its time if God wills, and today Jesus has given me grace to deal with the situation that is before me. So I need to think about today. Each day I need to consider what God has called me to that day and that is what I need to be faithful in.
Today God has called me to be a servant, a daughter, a big sister, a youth leader, a blogger, an employee, a light and more. I do not need to worry about what He has called me to be tomorrow, or next year, or for the rest of my life. I need to hold my plans loosely while I am faithful today. And He will be with me every step of the way as I live out what He has called me to.